CCL Metrology Humor
The Importance of Understanding the Test Procedure
Unique device for testing
In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors quoted from Feathers, the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story........
The US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of airplane cockpit windshields. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at the windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it will survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
It seems a British company was very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, high speed train they were developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, broke the driver's chair and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:
First, thaw the chicken........
First, thaw the chicken........
Word Standards Day
From the pages of "Open Systems Today" - October 13, 1994 ..........
"The International Standards Organization (ISO) and the International Electrotechnical Commission (IEC) designated October 14 as World Standards Day to recognize those volunteers who have worked hard to define international standards.......The United States celebrated World Standards Day on October 11; Finland celebrated on October 13; and Italy celebrated on October 18."
No further comment about the global state of "standardization" is necessary!!!
Helpful Government Hints
- A Leap Year is determined if the 4-digit year can be divided by 4, unless...
- The year can be divided by 100, then it is not a Leap Year, unless...
- The year can be divided by 400, then is is a Leap Year, unless...
- The year can be divided by 4000, then it is not a Leap Year, unless...
- The year is 200 or 600 years after a year that is divisible by 900, then it is a Leap Year.
"The first thing we should do"
The intent of international "standards" is to facilitate consistency and common interpretation so it's amusing that documents written using American English have to be "translated" into British English when they're adopted over there. We need a standard language. Mark Twain believed many problems would be overcome by eliminating the redundancy in the construction of the English language. After all, do we really need 26 letters in the alphabet? In doing so, his resultant language sadly typifies the way many people view and understand "standards" today!!
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling by Mark Twain:
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In Year 1, that useless letter c would be dropped to be replaced either by k or s, and likewise x would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which c would be retained would be the ch formation, which will be dealt with later.
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Year 2 might reform w spelling, so that which and one would take the same konsonant, while Year 3 might abolish y replasing it with i and Iear 4 might fiks the g/j anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with the useless double konsonants and Iear 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
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Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez c, y and x -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais ch, sh and th rispektivli.
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Fainali, xen aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohimt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
Extract from The Standardization Newsletter, February 1996.
Supplemental Twist
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.
The SRBs are made by the Thiokol Company in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped via a train from the factory to the launch site in Florida.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel which is slightly wider than the railroad track.
The SRBs are made by the Thiokol Company in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped via a train from the factory to the launch site in Florida.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel which is slightly wider than the railroad track.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system, was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of two horses' asses!
